Let me start by saying that I love New Years. Maybe not the hype of New Year’s Eve or the glittery outfit shopping or the need to drop $100 on a ticket to a club, but I am all about reflecting on the year that has passed and the promise of starting fresh, beginning again. Like you, I have a list of things that I resolve to be better at. I’ve made this list for years now, and honestly have so much fun doing it. A dreamer at heart, I love thinking about all of the things that I am capable of accomplishing.
But somehow, inevitably, after the endorphins that the New Year brings fade away, the list once made with endless hope becomes more of a list of criticisms, things we could have or should have accomplished. Think back to when Ross made a list of cons about Rachel — that list, glaring in front of her, was a list of her deepest insecurities. In some ways, our list of resolutions is a collection of everything we’re not. They are built on expectations that we create for ourselves or that other people have for us. Losing 10 lbs might be something you’ve always wanted for yourself, or it could be something your family has been pestering you about since you were 12.
It wasn’t until this past year that I experienced a shift in mindset. Last January, I moved across the country from my favorite city in the world, New York, to Los Angeles, and everyone I knew told me I would hate it. Even though I still felt like it was the right move for me, my expectations were set very low. In a way, I’m thankful for that. Because the bar wasn’t set high, I was pleasantly surprised by everything I experienced. I very quickly realized how wrong they were, but I’m not so sure I would have loved LA so quickly, had the expectation been set that Hollywood was going to be as magical as it is in the movies.
Similarly, when we make our resolutions, we start off the year by setting our expectations extraordinarily high. These expectations, looming over us, keep us from opening our minds and hearts to what is directly in front of us. Realizing this after my move last year, I decided to ditch those expectations entirely, and experience LA to the fullest by focusing on the one thing that was the impetus for the move: getting out of my comfort zone.
I took in the world one day at a time, and found little ways each day to do things for myself. I didn’t have any defined resolutions, but my intention was clear — to focus on me. The result was that I saw more of a transformation in myself, hitting many of those so-called resolutions that I had made in previous years just by removing the burden of it all. I began to understand the reason why I wanted all of those things, and just by understanding the why, I opened myself to the compassion that allowed me to eventually attain each of them.
For example, one of things I sought out for years was a healthier lifestyle; I realized that the reason why this was so important to me was that it was directly tied to my self-confidence. All of a sudden, attaining that lifestyle had so much more meaning. Free from the phenomenon of #fomo, thanks to the move, and with a clear intention set, I was now able to selectively choose how I spent my time. I took small steps towards that intention by exploring on my own, becoming more active, and surrounding myself only with people who lifted me up. In the process, I learned as much about myself as I did about the city. With the pressure lifted, I began to feel a stronger sense of self worth, and saw my relationships with everyone I cared about strengthen.
If I had to take one thing away from my experience, it would be to start the year, or any new adventure, by freeing yourself of expectation. Focus on setting an intention, rather than making a laundry list of resolutions. Set the goal to be open-minded to the possibility, rather than to achieve. Pick something that your gut and your intuition are telling you that you’re ready for, and understand the reason why. Choose something that is broad, and then in your daily life, find little ways to apply your intention. Show yourself a little love and compassion and then get ready to take on the world.
For me, 2016 is all about taking leaps of faith and surprising myself. Whether that’s in big ways like in my career or love life, or in smaller ways like writing and sharing this post, I plan to be open to every last possibility and urge you to do the same.
Listen to your intuition, set your intention, and no one, not even you, will be able to stop you.
